I made it to the river today. Expectations were high, but my heart wasn't really in it. I went through the motions...walked some flats, crept across gravel, stared from high banks looking for targets; but whatever I was hoping for never really materialized. Honestly, I was hoping to feel better, but I don't. There are no quick fixes, no easy way to skip out on the tough stuff of grieving. I guess you just have to keep on keeping on, and eventually you feel like your old self.
The river and the fish seemed to be in a similar mood. The water was low. Really low, and not a breath of wind in the air. Once popular flats were high and dry, grass was growing where carp had been feeding a few weeks ago, and the shallows were hard to find. And even harder to fish. I lost count of the number of tailing carp that simply stopped tailing and swam away when my flies hit the water. I went lighter, cast farther away form the fish...eventually I found the sweet spot and got a few flies to some fish...started hooking up.
I fished one of my dad's rods today. A six weight, the very rod he was using the day he died. It is a great rod, and it felt right to fish it, but I couldn't turn the fish. I lost a good half dozen fish to weedbeds. I simply couldn't stop them. they would burn towards the nearest weedbed, and I would try to turn their head to no avail. I caught a lot of salad, but lost a lot of carp.
All told, I landed 7 or 8 fish...nothing over 13 lbs or so...the bigger fish that I hooked (and there were a few) wouldn't be denied the deep and heavy weedbeds.
Worth noting in the first picture is a
12wt prototype sun mask...nice piece of gear...and of course a
Fly Carpin lid. Thanks to both for some great stuff.
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9 comments:
Glad to see you are back on the water.
Love the lid John. Don't worry, a season away that old feeling on the water awaits, with the ocassional bitter sweet moment to be sure.
It certainly was beautiful out! A great day to be on the river.
Glad to see you got out John.
Wondeful place to reflect. My mother died a few years back. Odd the places you find reflections. I have one pond that I walk through a graveyard to access right by my childhood home. The viewing the graveyard and the mourners attending causes for some melancholy moments from the bank of the pond. Mostly I want and wanted nothing to do with "Sorries", and "How are you doing's?". I don't and didn't care to talk to others, excepting my wife, siblings and father, of my mother and my emotional status. But solitude, water and fish always seem to help.
Yes John, glad you ventured out if only to test your emotional readiness to fish and enjoy yourself. I'm pleased you did and aside from the fish lost it sounded great and needed perhaps.
Gregg
I think it is good that you are still fly fishing even though your dad left this world. It would help because the method of fly fishing needs to have patience and concentration, which can help you contemplate more about your life. Anyway, good catch! I hope you would still enjoy the water and fishing.
Idalia Conn
John, I have only just now caught up with your site and of course you loss. Day by day, as you know, in that outdoor chapel. Your Dad, forever with you, blessed. Best wishes, positive thoughts.
Gary
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