Sunday, November 25, 2012
While I wouldn't point to my resolve as the focal point for me currently, I understand the sentiment exactly. Of late, I have simply felt...well, thin. I enjoy my kids and family, and had a good day on the Deschutes today but I just don't feel right about anything. When I smile, it is for a short while and doesn't reach down deep. When I laugh, it seems to be only on the surface, and the underlying sadness is simply there, frequent and sudden and somewhat overwhelming. When you are alive this can happen you know.
My sister Darby once told me she likes the way I write..."you always go full circle, and bring things back to center" she said. Well, right now, I have no point in writing these first few words. No circle, no center, nothing to come back to in the end. I feel thin. Stretched out and knee deep...this is good on a carp flat, but in the cold of winter when missing your dad and unable to find the peace and joy you once found so easily on the river...it hurts a bit. I know this: I am still fishing, but the joy isn't there right now. And I miss my dad.